Irreverently Yours

“I’m not supposed to be here. I followed all the rules. I never sinned. I shouldn’t be here,” wailed a middle aged woman from the trench. She was covered in blood, mud, and snot; clutching her gun, staring in terror at the lip of the trench. “God was supposed to take me up to heaven”

“Well I guess he missed the memo” Javier quipped from the trench lip, drawing chuckles from his comrades.

“THIS IS HELL AND YOU ALL BELONG HERE. I DON’T. IT’S A MISTAKE. A MISTAKE,” She leapt up and started over the trench away from the direction the people were facing. Something dark leapt over the trench and tackled her and wet sounds followed with a crunch ended her screams.

“Oh shit” Gun fire blew the thing apart. “Where the hell did that come from?” Everyone started scanning the terrain nervously.

“Hellllooo. Um…heavily armed people? Helloo. Hi there.” A man waved from behind a small hill. “Can we talk? Sorry about your friend. These lower demons are just so easily distracted. Just like puppies or kittens chasing a toy.” He popped his head up. He had an easy smile and had one of those faces that you just want to be friends with.

“Who is this clown?” Javier aimed for his head.

“The bloody anti-christ” Emma said from beside him, glaring across the field. Her jaw twitched. “Don’t bother. That asshole has been shot so many times, he really is holier then thou.”

Javier looked at her, “And to think you are a commander in the army of God.”

“I interview well.” She shrugged and looked at figure who was shifting closer, “What do you want you walking cliché?”

“Walking cliché? Oh that’s rich. Emma? That you? Oh I do love getting to talk to you. You bring such color”

“Save your verbal diarrhea and get to the point.”

“Oh Emm..”

“Lalalalalalalalalalalala Point?”

“Are you going..”

“Lalalalalalalala”

Javier looked at Emma, “What are you, five?”

Emma looked at Javier, “Lalalalala.” Javier rolled his eyes.

“Ok, point.” The anti-christ started, “Let’s stop all this killing. Listen. Just go home. We will leave you alone. We won’t even leave the area we have. No more corruption. No more possession. No more horrible deaths. We can have peace. We can all have peace. Just put down your arms and go home to your families.” He had gotten close enough so he could look into the trench.

“Javier. Your sister just had a baby girl. They are alone. They need you. Clara. Your two little boys miss you. Richard. You hate it here. You miss your comfortable chair and your beers. You can have that. You can all have that. Just go home. No more pain. No more fear. No more sleepless nights staring into the dark wondering what is coming for you.”

Clara put down her gun, “I can’t do this…I..I’m sorry Emma.” She climbed up the ladder and ran off with fearful glances behind her.

“She’s right,” Richard stood, “They want peace. No point in staying here and dying.”

“Richard.”

“No. We have been dying for too long. For who? For what? God? And where is he? I am out of here. I recommend you all do the same.” He climbed out and walked away.

“Very wise, Richard.” The anti-christ smiled benevolently, then half his head was blown off in a roar of a shot gun. Emma climbed out of the trench to stand over him.

“I don’t fight for God and I fight because all it takes for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing. I may not be good but I do know that I am not about to just step aside and let shit like you run through the streets.”

“I thought you said bullets won’t work?”

“They won’t. But they did shut him up. Anyone else want to go home to their little beds and cower under the covers wondering when him and his are going to come for you? Do you really think that they would just leave us to our white picket fences and porn collections? These are the things that encourage fathers to rape their daughters. Adults to slaughter children. They take everything worth living for and twist it. Now I will keep on killing them until either they are dead or I am dead. You can leave if you want. I got killing to do.”

“What do we do with him?”

“Glad you asked, Javier. Father?” A priest backed out of a hole in the trench, dragging a coffin behind him. It was covered in words and markings.

“It won’t hold him for long but it sure will ruin his day.”

“And you just happened to have this ready?”

“Be prepared. It’s the boy scouts marching song.”

“You’re not a boy scout.”

“True. But you were.” Emma beamed at Javier and hands him a shovel.

Three days later, the anti-christ finally dug himself out of his grave. His cursing spoiled all the food for 30 miles and gave every one in a mile radius a nice sunburn.

“EMMAAAA!!!!! I can’t even think of all the horrible things I will do to you.” He stormed off.

“Aren’t you afraid of him? Of Hell?” Javier looked at Emma. She grinned back at him.

“Not really. Never seen hell, unless you count this place. Maybe if I had I would be out there licking his toes. But I don’t know it so I am not afraid of it and I’m not going to worry one twisted tit about it”