always a step behind.
behind at school
behind in friends
behind in style
behind in trends
behind in life
watching every one race ahead.
picking up their broken toys
not understanding them

So you wake up in the morning and your all alone. You go to work. You pray that no one talks you to because they might ask you something that you just don't have the answers for. And you stare a the screen and all your failures that are stored on it. And finally the end of the day comes and you go home. There you find all your unfinished projects, in reality the only projects you have are unfinished. And your dog would rather chew his bone. The cats done even know you are alive. And the only other person in the house barely acknowledges your presence. You make dinner, take out the trash, put dishes away, spend some time on the computer, go to bed. and repeat, repeat, repeat. You see your life stretched before you. And you realize that all you have to live for are movies that might come out and you just don't really care about them any more, books that you never read any more. You have no friends and your family has better things to do that to spend time with you. If you disappeared tomorrow, some people might wonder what happened to you but within 3 months it would be as if you never existed. You are a non-entity. A space filler.

There is no Girlie in Science

So. Now that you are here and I have locked all the doors, we can get down to the subject at hand. Please stop screaming. The walls are sound proof and it will just give me a headache.

What is “Girlie science, sci-fi, and fantasy”?

Is it pink with sparkles? Is it ponies and princes in white armor?

Not to me. To me, it’s all Girlie. Actually its Womanly. Because I am a woman and I am claiming it ALL FOR ME. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA mine mine mine mine mine.

The idea of “Girlie” is purely a social one. And social ideas are constantly changing, Thank the makers of power tools.

When my mother was a girl, girls were not allowed to take shop class. Power tools were for boys only. In junior high and in high school, I took several different types of shop.

Did that make me less of a girl? We could consult a doctor, but I am pretty sure they would agree that I am still very much a girl. Further more, I feel like a girl. When I think of my self, I think of myself as a girl. I may not dress in skirts and high heels, but I am a girl and I will beat you up if you say other wise.

Science. How is it girlie? It's not. Science is as genderless as you can get. Do the protons in the atoms care if they are making something all pink and glittery? I doubt it. Although, I don’t talk to them that often, so maybe they do. What about gravity? Or how about biology? Some could say that since biology has to do with things like reproduction and the production of offspring, it is girlie. Others could say that biology is manly because it has to do with urges to fight and fuck. But I disagree with both. Because it is both and neither. In organisms that are asexual there is no boy vs. girl. Just a lot of masturbation. In duel gender spiecies, it’s a lot like love and marriage. According to that annoying song, you can’t have one without the other. No boys? No girls. So all those little babies making people yell “girlie girlie girlie” need to realize all those babies are also there because of all the “manly manly manly”. And all those fights, that raw male aggression? What and why do the boys (and girls) fight? That’s right. Sex, baby. Also food and territory and other stuff. Stuff both genders need.

So what other factors could make science girlie? The scientists? But that isn’t science, that’s social constraints. That’s the social idea that boys or girls are better suited to studying something. Now this is not always untrue. Sometimes the structure of the brain does play a part in our abilities to explore some ideas. But if we never give the other brain structures a try, we could miss something important. Like BBQ sauce and ranch on fries. Hmmmmm fries.

So what about science fiction and fantasy? We have things like *gag* Twilight, or Gor, in which men are men and women are usually tied up. Hmmmm Kinky. But is one girlie and one manly? We say yes, but why? Because Twilight is all romantic and sparkly? And because Gor has bondage and violence? Can’t a man like a little candle-light romance? I really don’t know, go ask your dad. But what about the stuff generally considered “manly”? Conan, with his big sword. Not that sword, you perv. And his scantily clad women. Why is that stuff considered in the realm of MEN. Can’t women run around with swords? Well according to Red Sonja we can. But society says that’s for men. Well, you advertising sleezes, get your hands off my sword and but on this metal thong. It's MY turn.

In the past, science fiction was the playground of men. If you read the older science fiction books, women were there generally to play the damsel in distress, the sex object, or to raise the kids while the men were off killing aliens. But time has progressed and women have been sneaking in and fighting the aliens. So what makes things girlie? Or manly? Make up? Men were the first to wear that. Clothes? Does anyone remember some of those outfits men used to sport in the Victorian age? Sex? Men and women both do that. And you should thank your parents for that. I say calling something “Girlie” or “Manly” is just another way of applying social constraints. It is said that into a closed mind, no flies will land. But neither will the light of the moon. Which is male for Tolkien and female for a number of other people.

Now as soon as you finish rolling your eyes and throwing things at me, we will deal with the issue of why men get “Manly” and women get “Girlie”. How about “Boylie” and “Womanly”? After all, we do mature faster. Thank you and Good Night.

And now for something different.

I am an equilist. I believe that we are all equal, we are equally entitled to all things science and fiction, and all the wonders between, from swords to space ships; and that we all equally have something to offer. Perhaps not the same thing. But we have something to offer. When I look at the world I look at it as an engineer, as human being, as a geek, as a daughter, a sister, a friend, and sometimes as a woman.

Albuquerque Comic Con

So Saturday, January 15, the Dragon's descended on the Albuquerque Comic Con and got trampled. But in the good way. MamaDragon, soon to be sister-in-law Dragon (Mohawk Dragon), and I went as a birthday present to me.

We wanted to be there no later the 11:00 am because that was when the Game tournaments were going to start and MohawkDragon has been getting into WH40K. We had pre-purchased the tickets online and I had picked them up the night before at the Borders pre-registration party. Not really a party. The party happened later that night at Imbibe apparently.

We did get there on time with most of our limbs and stole replacements for any we might lose later from the Starbucks staff. The Comic Con was held at the Hilton. It is not one of the super duper classy hotels here but it’s not too bad. I dropped MamaD off in her wheelchair with Mohawk Dragon and when on the eternal quest for parking. It took me a while and a drive around the block but I did manage to get epickly lucky. Thank the Boondock Saints and Rocco (my new “Thank god”) for crips. I was able to find a crip spot in front of the hotel. The real reason I drag MamaD around. I highly recommend everyone get themselves a gimp.

So, car parked, tickets in hand, and wheelchair in front, we smashed our way through the crowd. In other words we over heard some of the event workers say the line was only for people without tickets. So we scooted our way past the horribly long line (sorry people who had to stand in the line) and got our wrist bands and hand stamps and GPS government tracking implants. And off we went...

I will take a moment to mention the only two issues I had with this whole event. The parking and the lack of an event map. The parking was really really really bad. If I hadn't had MamaD with me I would have had to park blocks away after circling the parking lots in search for a non-existent parking spot. I am not sure how they could have improved it, I just know that plenty of people ended up leaving after looking at the parking. They might have been able to make things a little better by using "Lot Full" signs like I have seen at other events.
The other issue was the lack of any kind of guide to stuff. On the online itinerary it said things like Ballroom B and Panel room, only there wasn't really a Ballroom B. All the rooms had names like Colorado and Arizona. And there were no maps saying where anything was and most of the event workers we asked at various times had no idea where anything was outside of where they were stationed. They could have made that a little easier by just providing a simple black and white map with the room names and itinerary on the back, inside the bag we got at the front. I realize that at large Comic Cons this might not be possible but this was a small enough event that I think it should have been done.

So our first mission was to find the game room for Mohawk Dragon in Ballroom B. The layout of the convention center was a long straight hallway with “Ballrooms” on one side and doors leading to an outdoor patio on the other side. We navigated our way down the hall and finally went into the last room. There were comic book vendors, and one place that had an RC R2D2 (SO COOOOL. I want one), and several artists had tables set up. We had meant to go back for stuff later but forgot (we got tired). We finally located the game room and Mohawk nearly cried. Apparently there was only one WH40K game going and they were using unpainted armies and reading from a rule book. Next we located the autograph room and picked up the tickets and the pictures for Boondock Saints. The way it was set up was you had to pay for the Boondock Saints at the door and they gave you a ticket for each signature. If you wanted anyone else’s signature you could just go to their tables and pay there.

We went in and were going to try and get an autograph from Peter Mayhew but by the time we reached his table he was off for lunch. So we made our way out with me driving and Mohawk leading and headed outside so the other two could feed their habits. At this point it was time to get in line for the Star Wars Q&A with Deep Roy and Dickey Beer. Mr. Roy creeps Mohawk out for some reason, but I have to say he is really really funny and want to go out and have a Deep Roy movie marathon now. I didn't get his autograph and am kind of sad about that now. I have a video and if it is good enough I will post it on my YouTube.

After that I took MamaD in search of the restrooms which were all the way back past the registration table. As we passed the autograph room we ran into the representatives of Dr. Steel. Dr. Horrible better step up his game or Dr. Steel will get all the glory and social change. They promised me a Giant Robot for joining Dr. Steel. How could I say no? I will join anyone for a giant robot.

Then we headed back toward the panel room to get in line for the Boondock Saints. I spent last week educating MamaD on the Boondock Saints and there was no way we were going to miss them. We did manage to get there first but the organizers were a little confused on where they wanted people so we got moved around several times. I’m not criticizing them. The people working the floor really did their best to keep things running smoothly and to help people out. Not to mention they had some of the coolest costumes.

We did get in line early so while MamaD held our place Mohawk and I ran around getting some pictures and then I held our place while Mohawk took MamaD around for pictures. It seemed that Green Lantern and Rorschach were among the most popular costumes. There seemed to be a lot of Stormtroopers and Mandalorians, but that was partly because the local 501 and Mandalorian units were helping with the hosting. Thanks guys. You rock.

At last it was time for the boys. One of the things was, you could buy VIP tickets that let you get into things first. We didn't have the money so we had to wait until the VIPs had already going in. After that they had room for 13 more people from what I overheard. But one of the workers who had seen just how determined we were to see the Saints (I did not do a thing to her brain, I swear), made sure we going in and because MamaD was in a wheelchair got us in through a side door so she would be able to see. Thank you, wonderful event worker person.

It was soooooooo awesome. Rocco was there, both the boys where there. The kid from Walking Dead was there. I don't know his name and I haven't seen the Walking Dead yet, but he and Norman sold MamaD on watching it so I will get to see it finally. And the guy doing the Boondock Saints comic book was there. It was interesting to watch them interact. Sean Patrick was really energetic and definitely was the leader. Rocco was cool and just chilling. And Norman really notices people. He really seemed to look at people, and listen to them, and pay attention to them. He even called on Mohawk about her question, which was about what they learned about guns and what their favorite one to work with was. Sean Patrick's answer was that he was from Texas and the other two were tree hugging liberals. Norman said his favorite weapon he has gotten to work with was the crossbow. Definitely must do a Walking Dead marathon. Maybe next weekend with MamaD and Mohawk. Oh, and about half way through the session they were talking about a Boondocks Saint 3 and MamaD yelled out (not too loudly) "We get another shower scene. Right?" They said they would make sure there was one just for her.

At the end of the Session we all got to call Troy Duffy on Sean Patrick's phone and then they had a photo session. It took me a bit to get my courage up but I wheeled MamaD up and Mohawk took our picture with all of them. I was so excited/nervous/freaked that I was literally trembling. I still get the OH MY GOD OH MY GOD feeling just thinking about it. After the picture was taken there was no way to get MamaD in her wheel chair through the crowd so we had to go through the door that was right there by where the guys were standing. Normal opened the door and held it for us. He was sooooo nice.

The three of us had to just stand in the hall with two other girls and freak out for a few moments. One of the workers smiled at us and said something funny about us all needing to be more excited. Once we could breathe again, we headed over to the autograph room because we figured there would be a line and there was. Mohawk had time to go out and feed her habit. It was when we were in the line to get into get our autographs that Daniel Logan walked out. He joked with MamaD about ramming people and I mentioned spikes at which point he and MamaD started joking about him riding on her lap and he made a conspiratorial joke about how he and she "weren't supposed to talk about that there" in that hint hint nudge nudge tone of voice. I have to say, he really knows how to interact with people. After he left, I leaned over and whispered into MamaD's ear "You were just flirting with Baby Fett."

Once we did get in, Mohawk took over driving so I could move ahead and get the pictures signed. MamaD joked with Sean Patrick about a shower scene while he and Norman signed the image I had of them. Then we moved onto Rocco. I love Rocco. He is just sooooooo cool. When asked in the Q&A what he was doing, he said "rearranging my apartment." He was just so cool. He asked me if I wanted him to write anything from the movie and I gushed "Oh YES", he asked "what" and I told him absolutely anything. So I got "Is It Dead". So Cool So Cool. Then he asked if I wanted him to sign the back of my shirt and I dashed around the table and presented him with my back.
At this point I was feeling a bit light headed but I was determined to not leave that room until I had one other autograph.

Peter Mayhew. When we had first been in there, his table had been packed, at this point we had him all to ourselves. Most kids run to mom and dad when the monsters come for them. I didn't need mom and dad. I have Godzilla and Chewy. With Peter I was much shyer because here was someone who has been so important to me. Whenever I got picked on or got hurt or was scared, Chewy was my protector. And here he was. I was barely able to think or to speak. So I rambled a bit. I did get out that I had read about him and that he had been an engineer and asked what kind. He told me he had done machinist kinds of engineering and that his father had been a mechanical engineer. To my relief MamaD started talking to him and he talked about how he hadn't done much, just put on a suit, but how rewarding it was at the start of convention season to meet those first fans and how they remind him that it’s all worth it. And MamaD talking with him about how he had studied the movements of animals for the role of Chewy. MamaD asked him if he could stand up but he said that he had really bad arthritis in his knees and they both related on that. But he put out his hand and MamaD put her hand against his. She has large hands and his fingers were a good 2 or 3 inches larger then hers. And I noticed he had a Chewy ring on his pointer finger. We only stopped chatting with him when someone else came up to the table. I was seriously tearing up from talking to him and feeling faint from all the excitement. We started to head out and ran into Baby Fett again and MamaD and he flirted a little more.

We made it outside and sat down for a while chatting with some other people and some of the workers. We were so tired by this point we headed out for dinner without remembering that we wanted to go back into the room with all the stuff and get a bunch of it.
I really hope we get one next year.